Love more than a little

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Love, love, love! We all want it and even if in some way we try to hide it, deep within we feel a desire for it. Is it weird to want love but at the same time so scared of it that you run away at any slight possibility of an ordinary friendship blossoming into something more?

We hear so much about love, what it is and what it’s not. We see so much paraded about what love should look like, a couple holding hands, an old couple married for over 60 years, still committed to each other, bearing each others burdens. Or what about the scene displayed in the movie “The Vow” where boy meets girl, boy marries girl, girl meets in an accident and has amnesia, boy tries to woo girl and sets out to win her heart all over again. Maybe love is what Jacob had for Rachel: he worked 7 years, hard labour and man was he patient and still after being tricked into marrying another woman, Leah, her sister, he was still willing to work another 7 years for her. Based on his actions it is clear he wanted Rachel. The question I often times ask myself is what was it about Rachel that drove him to want to be with her so badly. Yes she was beautiful but was that all there was to her?

There is more to love than how we define it. To say what love is, does not even begin to say what love is.

Are you tired of searching for love? It is often said “love comes unexpectedly, you never know what will happen and when it will happen… if you think you are in love but it hurts, you aren’t in love. Love is kind, beautiful, and gives you the warmest feelings inside. Love is not cruel, it doesn’t hurt”

There is a Lover out there that’s searching for you! He searched for Adam and Eve in the Garden and here He is waiting for you to receive what He has to offer. Not only does He want to share His love with you, He wants you to share the love He will place in your heart with others, friends, family, spouse etc.

The truth is sometimes we don’t know how to love beyond the butterflies and the romantic feelings. but love goes far beyond that. My Grandmother once told me that love is about commitment, staying for the long haul. It’s not a wedding in Vegas and a divorce 24 hours later.

Love is a spirit, and to last in love we have to allow that spirit to be an ever-present and active part of our lives. God is love! God is a spirit, and if we should ever love people the way we should, moving past the facade, seeing the flaws, bad habits, attitudes that we might not like, then we have to allow the spirit of love to stand in our hearts, directing our actions.

Mr. or Mrs. Right doesn’t have to be perfect. Are you perfect? Come on, no way right? I thought so. Why do you, or we, expect others to be? We sometimes say we want the perfect mate, but the saying goes and I have to agree “True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”

As the song says “Put a little love in your heart!!!!!”

Just love a little, or rather love more than just a little, love a lot! It’s more than a word……….

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Hope Smiles

“Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering it will be happier”(Alfred Tennyson)

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On February 11, 2012 my brother called me from New York and delivered the heart breaking news “Whitney Houston is dead” Whitney Houston singer and actress died at the age of 48 at the Beverly Hylton Hotel due to a drug overdose leaving many heart-broken and full of questions. The circumstances or the thoughts that plagued her mind before her last breath we are only left to speculate because to be blunt we have absolutely no idea.

At one point in or lives or another, most if not all of us get that feeling of hopelessness. Behind the facade of wealth, smiles, and on the surface conversations, we all have something we hide. We hide the side of us that sometimes just wants to throw in the towel especially when life seems to be rough. I have walked on that road staggering and gasping for breath many times and each time I’ve wondered off depressed and hurt I’m reminded that life is a gift and there is purpose in our days even though we sometimes we do not feel that way.

I’m often times encouraged by the stories of three great men Jeremiah, David and Elijah. They all reached a point in their life where they wanted to throw in the towel and die. Jeremiah felt life was nothing but trouble and tears and he cursed the day his mother bore him. He wanted his birth notice to be deleted from the records. He even felt he should have been killed before he was born and that his mother’s womb should have been his tomb. So sorrowful and graphic! So here I was today feeling the same sentiments, I felt bitter about life, just wanted to puff, disappear into thin air. Have you ever felt that life was just troubles and tears? do you know that God keeps a record of our tears. In psalm 56:8 David cries out to God and said ” Thou tallest my wonderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?”. God must have given us the ability to cry for a reason. He created us with the ability to express every emotion that you can think of. Go ahead and list them; joy , happiness, sorrow, yes that too! sadness, grief, anger, and you can go on and on all the way to timbuktu….

Elijah was depressed. Don’t think for a moment that its you alone who cannot eat when you feel burdened. God had to make special provisions to ensure that Elijah ate. If he can do that for Elijah don’t you think he can do the same for you and I? oh yes he can. Never lose hope, hold it, if even by a thread and if tomorrow seems a bit gloomy remember there is hope ahead. “If we lose our Hope, that’s our real Disaster”

                               Don't Give Up!!!!

MISSING YOU

“To love life, to love it even when you have no stomach for it, and everything you’ve held dear crumbles like burnt paper in your hands, your throat filled with the silt of it. When grief sits with you its tropical heat thickening the air, heavy as water more fit for gills than lungs; when grief weighs you like your own flesh only more of it, an obesity of grief, you think how can a body withstand this? Then you hold life, like a face between your palms, a plain face, no charming smile, no violet eyes, and you say, yes, i will take you, i will love you again” (Ellen Bass)

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Life is but a vapor, how quickly it vanishes. I can still remember my grandparents. Grandpa in the Garden, young and strong. Grandma (Big bad mamma my brother would call her) in the kitchen making hominy corn porridge, potato pudding,Dahl and Roti with curried Goat. I still remember her calling him John and him calling her Maislyn. I can recall his eyes beaming with passion when he spoke about his youth, playing cricket, catching  Janga in the river. He made sure to tell that Janga was the Hindi word for shrimp.  As he spoke I would often times imagine how handsome he was and would think to myself he must have been the most handsome Gardner who ever worked at Kings House located in Jamaica. I remember when my aunt would make him papaya shake and I would anxiously await the portion he would leave for my brother and I.

I can never erase from memory summers in Linstead with my Aunty Rosa, short for Rosalyn. Like grandma she was queen of the kitchen.  Even though it has been Sixteen years since she died of pneumonia  I can still hear British accent echoing in the yard as she would call out for Ashley to refrain from whatever mischief he was ready to inflict on me his summer prey.

I feel such sadness sometimes when I think about the pool of memories they have left behind. Knowing that they are not present to make current memories. I miss the sound of their voices, I miss the simple things like doing plaits in my Grandmothers hair, and using the scissors to cut the straight Indian grey’s on Daddy’s head. The family tree said he was my Grandfather but to me he was Daddy and I called him so.

It’s never easy to lose someone you care about. It doesn’t matter how u lost them, whether distance, sickness, or if they died naturally or they were killed. Every single day as we breathe someone dies, and that someone has friends and family that hurt and grieve over their loss. Just last year a friend of mine lost her mom, a month ago a coworker died of Cancer, and just recently another friend of mine heard the sad news that his friend was killed by gunshot. When a husband loses a wife, a child his mother or father, a sister her sibling, or a friend his confidant it’s like life is shattered. You move from sunny skies to darkened clouds and life becomes more of a burden than a privilege.

Society tells us to shake it off and move on. We are expected to go through the grieving process as quickly as the pop corn pops in the microwave. When we by pass this process People try to cope in all sorts of ways. Some become silent, because they have hidden the pain, some live in denial to what happened, some become bitter and others just quit living. Psychoanalyst Erich Fromm quotes “to spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness.”

Let us remember our loved ones, let us smile and laugh at the good things they contributed to our lives, let us cry when we miss them, let us say that we miss them when we do, let us keep the love we had for them alive and let us live , love and laugh, being grateful that we had them for the time we did, even though it seems they have gone too soon.

Blue Valentine

Blue Valentine

“I’m leaving on an Airplane, I don’t know when I’ll be back again!” They were young and their minds were innocent. They had so many hopes and dreams, marriage and kids, businesses to be opened, silly stuff that made no sense to the rest of the world but made perfect sense to them. Best friends, who could separate them? the people in the community would look forward to seeing the other strolling along if one passed by. This love would surely last like a fairy tale. Valentine forever they would certainly be. Her face would beam in the joy of his company, whether just sitting in the park eating cheese and drinking bag juice or sitting on the porch talking about life.

She loved his surprises, the Birthday cake that he baked, Birthday gift hidden in the freezer, Valentine gift disguised in a sheet delivered by Lucien Lynn. Some people thought it was weird for a girl to have Ninja Turtle as her favorite bear but she didn’t care because it had belonged to her forever valentine when he was a young lad and he used his magic marker and wrote the words “our love will last forever” and that’s all she needed to know.

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They burned the mid night oil together, Exams they both had to pass and when she freaked out over the possible results, he told her not to worry because he said a prayer for her. Rumor has it her brother called him the real “lover boy”

Now the years have gone by yet her love has not faded. He left on an Airplane and though he came back several years later he never came back as her forever valentine. He came with a valentine that was new.

Every now and then as I pass by, I glimpse a shadow of her when she was just 15 and I see her cry a tear or a few because for years she thrived on the hope of being with her forever valentine. The love they shared was real and true. Today Married, and a baby on the way, her forever valentine is no longer forever but blue.

Blue valentine…Her first and only love Blue Valentine!!

a little fellow called u in routine

This morning at about 7: 15 as I entered the 17A JUTC bus i realized how much of a routine the morning was. I took the same bus to work yesterday, and to top that, I saw the same 2 little boys sitting side to side at the front seat’ playing their usual Nintendo game as they traveled to school. I felt a rush of excitement as i gave way to a little silliness ” I’m like a great predictor’. I dared myself to go a little further ‘i bet the father of the more proportioned boy is sitting to the left’ and there he was relaxed in the same seat he sat in the day before…..My coworker was also in her usual seat endorsed in her usual activity of listening to the radio via her phone, and beside her sat the lady with fully proportioned lips a tad bit larger than mine with her baby cuddled sleeping in her arms…..

In some weird way I felt giggles inside. Why is this routine stirring up such inner amusement I thought to myself. I’m just a weirdo. I guess for the first time it was as if time had frozen and I ‘Keimesha’ had arrested routine in its tracts not only was I an avid participant in its day-to-day ploy I was now an observer.

King Solomon said there is nothing new under the sun and he was so correct… Routine is as old as Adam in the garden. It is older than primitive times and the days of the pyramids….One will agree that there is a certainty in routine, but yet i dare say there is uncertainty amidst the certainty…It certainly was not routine for me to run the bus down this morning like bolt trying to win a track meet!

Though at times our task may seem mundane and routine….routine does not have to be boring, it brings little joys and surprises! it’s certainly a joy for me to routinely go home and see that my mom and siblings are home, also to see a home cooked meal. And a surprise to see there’s no home cooked meal especially on a day when I’m hungry..lol

So remember as you Cruise through the day.There is a little fellow called “U” AKA unpredictable in routine, just waiting for you today…BUCKLE UP!!!! BE READY

The lord has a surprise for you !!!!!!

OUTLET

OUTLET

 Sometimes we all need an outlet to express how we feel. Some will write, some will draw, some will sing and still some will keep buried, locked away in the safe of the mind, the keys to reveal the deep and intense thoughts and questions they hold. Sometimes the heart gives a silent cry! It desires a smile, a friend, someone to share with and care for, who will do the same in return. Then you give a sigh, because you wonder if your herat is unique, is it just you or others feel what you feel?

Driving by, in the traffic, seeing cars,
traffic lights, people all around, seemingly busy doing their thing. How quickly time flies as you head on a journey you have no forknowledge of. 

You can google anything, but you cant google what your tomorrow holds. Or maybe you can, but
you still will never know, because not even the worlds famous search engine can predict your future for you.

We all need an outlet to express maybe not all
but evan just a tad bit of what we hold on the inside. Some will sing, some will try art,and others will even dance, but she will put pen to paper inking her heart!

Signed: keimesha alicia
campbell